The Therapeutic Process
I'd like to tell you about my view of therapeutic change and growth, and while I've written this with kids in mind, the same guiding principles apply in working with adults. It's important to know that I believe in being flexible so that the therapy process fits you and your child rather than the other way around. So while I do have a guiding process, it's also true that every therapy experience, just like every person, is unique.
Growing up can be exciting, rewarding, fun – and painful and difficult. Kids experience difficulties for many reasons, some of which may have to do with significant adults in their lives, or trauma of some kind, or perhaps their own, expected, growing-up process. The results can be deeply troubling for parents and caretakers: having problems in school, becoming aggressive or withdrawn, feeling anxious, not getting along with family members, and more. The problems kids have can be very difficult for both kids and adults. But my belief is that these problems are actually evidence of the child’s unstoppable quest for health.
When kids have experiences that are beyond what they can cope with, when they don’t have the resources within themselves or through supportive relationships to get what they need in order to cope, they are left with the distress of unmet needs. These unmet needs might include a need for connection, love, and safety, for feeling capable, for support in facing challenges, or more; the unmet need is beyond what the child can manage alone. Yet, human beings are made to try to adjust to unmet needs so that needs are resolved - and kids will adjust to unmet needs in the best way they can. This adjustment may mean that the child will constrict her body, feelings, thoughts, or some part of her self so that she won't feel the distress of a need that is not being resolved. For instance, children have a natural need to play, sometimes in a very energetic way. If a child is regularly in trouble for being "too noisy" or "too rowdy" he may learn to constrict his feelings of excitement or his need to play, in order to avoid being in trouble and to feel secure. In constricting feelings and needs, children will lose a good sense of who they really are and develop a poor sense of self. Yet, excitement and playing are natural for kids, so even though this energy may become constricted, it does not simply fade away. In the child’s unstoppable urge toward health, the child will try to find a way to get this energy out. The energy may often be expressed in behaviors that create problems for the child, parents, and others in the child's life. The connection between the child's difficult behaviors and his underlying needs can be hard for both children and parents to make sense of, but they are the child's attempt to manage what's inside, resolve a need, and live in a healthy way.
The helping, healing process begins with supporting the child in feeling cared about, understood, and accepted. A safe, caring relationship with a trustworthy therapist is essential. Play and activities are an important and enjoyable part of the process. Creative and expressive methods are used such as drawings, clay, games, sandtray, and symbolic play. These methods have the benefit of being fun, being a natural part of the child's world, and providing a pathway to parts of the self that have become constricted, deflected, or otherwise lost. This way of working helps the child experience and express emotions and aspects of the self that have become diminished or lost so that the child becomes more fully herself; in a sense she regains more of her self. Through this process she can develop constructive ways of expressing herself that are considerate of her own needs and the needs of others. The adults in her life are helped to understand and support her, and the difficult behaviors that began as a response to unmet needs will have changed.
Though brief, this description does identify some of the important principles of the therapeutic process. I would be happy to go into more specifics with you if you are interested.
Growing up can be exciting, rewarding, fun – and painful and difficult. Kids experience difficulties for many reasons, some of which may have to do with significant adults in their lives, or trauma of some kind, or perhaps their own, expected, growing-up process. The results can be deeply troubling for parents and caretakers: having problems in school, becoming aggressive or withdrawn, feeling anxious, not getting along with family members, and more. The problems kids have can be very difficult for both kids and adults. But my belief is that these problems are actually evidence of the child’s unstoppable quest for health.
When kids have experiences that are beyond what they can cope with, when they don’t have the resources within themselves or through supportive relationships to get what they need in order to cope, they are left with the distress of unmet needs. These unmet needs might include a need for connection, love, and safety, for feeling capable, for support in facing challenges, or more; the unmet need is beyond what the child can manage alone. Yet, human beings are made to try to adjust to unmet needs so that needs are resolved - and kids will adjust to unmet needs in the best way they can. This adjustment may mean that the child will constrict her body, feelings, thoughts, or some part of her self so that she won't feel the distress of a need that is not being resolved. For instance, children have a natural need to play, sometimes in a very energetic way. If a child is regularly in trouble for being "too noisy" or "too rowdy" he may learn to constrict his feelings of excitement or his need to play, in order to avoid being in trouble and to feel secure. In constricting feelings and needs, children will lose a good sense of who they really are and develop a poor sense of self. Yet, excitement and playing are natural for kids, so even though this energy may become constricted, it does not simply fade away. In the child’s unstoppable urge toward health, the child will try to find a way to get this energy out. The energy may often be expressed in behaviors that create problems for the child, parents, and others in the child's life. The connection between the child's difficult behaviors and his underlying needs can be hard for both children and parents to make sense of, but they are the child's attempt to manage what's inside, resolve a need, and live in a healthy way.
The helping, healing process begins with supporting the child in feeling cared about, understood, and accepted. A safe, caring relationship with a trustworthy therapist is essential. Play and activities are an important and enjoyable part of the process. Creative and expressive methods are used such as drawings, clay, games, sandtray, and symbolic play. These methods have the benefit of being fun, being a natural part of the child's world, and providing a pathway to parts of the self that have become constricted, deflected, or otherwise lost. This way of working helps the child experience and express emotions and aspects of the self that have become diminished or lost so that the child becomes more fully herself; in a sense she regains more of her self. Through this process she can develop constructive ways of expressing herself that are considerate of her own needs and the needs of others. The adults in her life are helped to understand and support her, and the difficult behaviors that began as a response to unmet needs will have changed.
Though brief, this description does identify some of the important principles of the therapeutic process. I would be happy to go into more specifics with you if you are interested.
